As many of you know, Speef Narkle Ministries has relocated from Santa Barbara to San Diego for tax purposes. But we left a few key members of the cult back in Santa Barbara to continue to spread the propaganda. One who chose to stay is the honorable Minister of Porn. Here is his latest confession to Speef Narkle the All Knowing.
. . . . . . . . so I'm sitting on the patio drinking an iced-warm sun baked Tecate and this June-Bug saunters up, as June bugs are wont to do, and asks to lick the sweat off my ballsac. Needless to say, I sent the poor bastard on his way with a flick of Mr. Jones. Ain't no thang on me, but that's twice this week and there's only so much I can spare.
Now, as I was saying, there was this hooker I knew who could blow bubbles out of her ass. I'm not sure what it actually was, but hey man, I saw fuckin' bubbles. Hard bubbles. Like made out of teflon or somethin. I mean, I pulled out Power Pete and he got chased by the fuckin Hindenburg, man. I jumped back and got the fuck out of there before she started shootin cannonballs out her poop-chute. Cause I been gutted by a cannonball (the circus act, remember?) and the shit don't feel so damn pleasurous. Caution is paramount in situations such as these, and I'm a fuckin flashing yellow . . .
- the minister
What was apparently coming out her ass is actually a mis-mixed batch of merkin paste. See, she obviously forgot to rinse the merkin off after washing it, leaving a soapy film which combined with the paste and resulted in what are known as "Kaiser Turds." Now often times hookers might become embarassed, sometimes they actually have no idea that they have Kaiser Turds and wonder why they are not getting the customer volume that they are used to. Lets face it, who wants to de-bark the love log if there is risk of getting "gutted by a cannonball." One solution which has worked for me is to always have a bag of lazer pee nearby when engaging in any unproven turbo humping. That way you can set up a plasma field as you continue to red-line the weed whacker.