That could be the Jehovah's Witnesses showing up at my door at 3:09 AM on a Tuesday night. I have an open invitation to all members of the Watchtower Society. Come on in and light some drugs on fire and inhale the fumes. They want me.

I remember the last time that they actually came into the house.  Beef Meat had brought over some pcp and I was gonna try to break out of a pair of handcuffs. We put the angel dust in some blunts and started puffin away. It took me pretty quick, like a gold-spec camaro had just burned out on my spinal cord. Then some fuker dropped down through a hole in the ceiling.

"Inhale trash cans by the gigabit. Do you know how to make stew? I can no longer smell. You got any pcp left?" he asked.

With an entrance like that, what are you gonna do? Beef gave him whatever was left of the angel dust and the guy whistles into the roof. A shitload more of these dudes dropped down and then the last one rode in through the back door on a ten speed. It turned out they were JW.

Well I don't know how hard you party, but these madmen put Beef Meat through the paces. They smoked and drank up pretty much everything in the house, including my secret Wild Turkey Y2K stash. When they found out we were game, one of them, probably the leader, made about a dozen phone calls and within minutes a van full of chicks pulls up with six gigantic pizzas. I don't really want to get into specifics, but the words "Poonball Spectacular" come to mind.

So next time them crazy fukers come a knockin at your door, the secret phrase is:
Come on in, I've got mountains of weed, an endless supply of pcp, and feel free to use the phone.
  

      Gratz meef,
            Reverend Speefnarkle

02.19.2003

  

speef@dreamscan.com