Theres nothing like moving a thousand miles away to give yourself a new chance. For the last few years I had hit a dry spot in my relationships with women. But all that was about to change, or so I hoped, as I packed my cat (car) and drove down to Cornbuk in the summer of 1947. I was not doing this alone mind you, I was headed down by caravan to start a new business with two other almost friends and the upcoming boss and his girlfriend.

We arrived and set up shop quickly. It was stormy outside. The three of us quickly became friends in anticipation of a new harvest of nubile nymphettes that were soon guaranteed to descend upon the new office. The others were in a similar situation as I had been but not so dry as myself. Gus had sprightly relationships with the chicks from the old work. Wolf had a girlfriend from up north that he was “still dating” but he knew that it was on rocky ground already. It wouldn’t take much for him to sever his ties. And I had my dry spell. Of course I had dates. A frisky drilling here and there, some scattered hand jobs.

There was Gretzka who never got over my lighter fluid habit. She was weird anyway. There was Crotchette who liked me, almost. There was Hazel who was a friend and would always stay that way. Much to my disappointment and embarrassment. “Hazel, now that you and Larry aren't cornholin, would you like to go on a date?” “But you are my friend I wouldn't know what to think.”

The office was set up and the phones started ringing and then the rat fuker laid down the ground rules for the operation. “There will be no fraternizing within the company. That means that you can not date any chicks that work for us.” What a dick loaf. Well I guess rules were meant to be abused. Anyway, he didn’t address my Jonsin. The one that actually does the thinking. Come Monday the interviews were started. Putting ads in the college newspaper was a brilliant idea. Rat Fuker knew that an office full of college chicks would keep us happy, and we would work for less. Well, the chicks came, and the chicks were hired. And we were happy.

The three of us put together a challenge to be the first to blast into some tang. Thing is, we didn’t really bet anything. I think it was a gentleman’s challenge. Anyway I knew I wouldn’t win. I was no cocksmith and my moves weren’t too smooth. But I sure was gonna pretend I was the shit. What did I have to loose? No one here knew me. Hell, I hardly new myself anymore. I had moved in search of fortune and tang and in my heart I just wanted love and comfort. But love has a funny way of sneaking up on you and justice has a funny way of being served.

Part 2 of story continued on Monday.  

      Gratz meef,
            Reverend Speefnarkle