Johnny Meat Socket

Diary entry March 6th, 2047:
     My body refuses to get out of bed. What a bad fukin morning. Turns out the escort last night comes from an eastern block country where she spent her summers sucking the juice out of rhinos at the zoo. Explains why I'm all pruned up. If you dropped me in water, I would baloon up to three times my current size. Old General Sherman got a workout too. Won't be sporting a boner for the next couple days. She tore off the entire epidermis like a snake shedding skin. Doesn't matter, the video camera I had hidden will make me a fortune.
     I finally made it to the fridge and pulled down a couple Michelob darks. Gotta be careful setting them down cause the cockaroaches are alcoholic. God dammit! The wench stole my stash. There goes $2000 worth of mdma and meth. At least she didn't find the funny pipe. A couple ounces ought to ease the pain.
     I'm stoned out of my mind now. What was I supposed to get done today. Thats right. I'm to meet a courier in the mall parking lot. I hope that bitch didn't take the van too. I don't think I can afford a taxi. She wouldn't take it. Its practically impossible to drive anyway. The clutch barely works and above 500 mph it starts shaking like the wheels are dropping off. Its time to put on the shoulder holster and pack a cat for good luck. Oh wait, my rod is on hiatus. Mental note: If the hooker looks like she can tear apart a tractor tire, don't ask for a hand job.

       Gratz meef,
            Reverend Speefnarkle