Anyone who can synthesize a feeling of power and confidence in a pair of ajax cans can share my enthusiasm for total clarity. A person who can honestly shove grapes into three pairs of wooden sox can surely appreciate my hankering for total unclouded ecstasy. Thats why I use Name Brand Products. I used to buy the generic shit. I wanted to save a buck or two. But I was never satisfied. I could barely walk down the street without something looking down their nose at me. It got to where anything with my name on it would make me depressed. I used to pound my head with a melon rind. I went to school in a cardboard box towed by a pack of balding midgets. When I burned out in the parking lot my box would catch on fire. I would have to ninja roll out of it onto the grass. I would be converted to veal loaf in the parking lot by the school bully. Then we'd both get suspended and have to sit in the detention room staring at naked women. Each isolation chamber had its own peep booth. I always had a couple logs of quarters in my back pack. I would pump wads onto the glass until my epidermis was shed like a snake skin. Then I'd lay back and fall asleep until the bell rang. You too can enjoy the greatest gift that your brain has awaiting your every move. And keep smoking those snowcone turbo blunts!


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wait rewind. did you go to my high school? I sold you some acid toothpics in shop class.

Posted by: chowder jake at April 15, 2005 10:26 AM

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