There once was a piece of cat terd named Jarvis. Jarvis was long and coiled with a goatee of mouse fur. He was drinking beers under a piece of bark with a couple other terds when Ralph came through the door. Ralph was a mean bully of a terd. He came out of a buffalo. Ralph pulled out a bottle of Thunderbird bum juice and started pounding it.

“Jarvis you greasy fuck, why you drinking that piss?”

“This is expensive beer,” said Jarvis.

“Lemme try.” Ralph pulled the brew away from Jarvis and polished it off. He farted and then left.

“What a fucking assplow,” said Jarvis to the other turds.

El Barto finally spoke. “Let’s beat the shit out of him.”

“Yeah right. That turd been roasting behind a blacksmith shop. He’s hard as a rock.”

“So what. We wait till he’s drunk off his ass and then we drop a brick on him. Squarsh him till he oozes.”

“I’m game,” said Jarvis. “Any you fuckin turds up for teaching Ralph a lesson?” The rest of the turds stayed silent.

Ralph finished off his Thunderbird and then passed out behind a dumpster. He pissed himself and then started snoring. Jarvis and El Barto found him. They looked around for a brick but couldn’t find one. A stray dog walked by and gobbled up El Barto.

“Shit,” said Jarvis. The dog looked at Jarvis and started running toward him. Jarvis hauled ass to where Ralph was sleeping and slid under the dumpster. The dog reached the dumpster and heard Ralph snoring. It walked around to where Ralph was sleeping and gobbled him down. Ralph didn’t even wake up.

Jarvis waited a couple hours until the dog left and went back to the bark to pound some beers. A week later Ralph came through the door. Ralph was a mean bully of a turd. He came out of a dog.


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