07.13.2008
Julius worked part time at a gas station. He took people's credit cards and pushed them in and pulled them out of the gas pumps. Fill regular. Ten dollars of premium. He hated the job.   Sometimes there were nice people...

04.16.2008
Artie had gas once again. It had been five years since he last had gas but it was back with a serious attitude now. Now his gas was trying to kill him and anyone he got close to. His hamster...

01.26.2008
There once was a piece of cat terd named Jarvis. Jarvis was long and coiled with a goatee of mouse fur. He was drinking beers under a piece of bark with a couple other terds when Ralph came through the...

10.12.2007
Dr. Plow was more than happy to join the expedition. He had been the point man on several forays into the unknown, so it was natural that they asked him. But the price they were willing to pay made him...

10.10.2007
“Now that I’m out of rehab it’s time to get laid,” said Harv. Harvey had been in a clinic for two weeks for his addiction to hookers and strip clubs. “You better not,” said Madge, his mom, while they drove...

10.09.2007
You might wonder if a man with a two centimeter penis has trouble satisfying women. But Barry “Super Tiny Wang” Vlasco is not your typical man. And the fact that he’s getting it reduced by a half centimeter seems unlikely...

10.08.2007
Gary drove his tractor over the rows of cabbage. He loved cabbage. He loved everything about it. Gary remembered the day he made love to his first cabbage. He saw the cabbage from across the country store. It was staring...

01.01.2007
Larry pounded the rest of the forty and started the truck. He drove up the hollow to Myrtle’s triple wide. She was home. Larry flipped the glove compartment and grabbed his rubbers. Myrtle heard the door forced open. Milton didn’t....

12.16.2006
The most beautiful woman in the universe does not have size forty seven tits. She does not have an ass shaped like a cherry. And she does not suck golf balls through garden hoses for recreation. In fact she is...

11.21.2006
The last time we talked I was under the influence of fart gas. So please don't take too much of it to heart. A lot has changed since then. I had my sphincter insured for four bucks in case it...

11.02.2006
It's been over a decade since I filmed WeedMasters III: Power Stoned. Recently I found some slides of the filming and had them scanned. Here is one of them. That's me in the back with a 300 dollar video camera...

10.24.2006
Plungers In The Mist. Saxon practices his plunge techniques on top of Mt. Tabor.

09.22.2006
Jeff crawled out of bed with a boner. He closed the window. A bum was yelling about potatoes in the alley below him. Jeff opened the window back up and pissed on him. “Are you peeing?” Myrna asked. She flipped...

09.08.2005
When I start shaking from weed overblast I try to focus on an old memory and play it over and over. Distorting it and chuckling to myself until I get cottonmouth and then I head to the fridge and start...

09.02.2005
Shit man you saved my ass. I was so fukin nervous like you predicted. The motel didn't have a record player so I pre-recorded it into my iPod. Thank the devil. The iPod was playing Sade and things were going...

08.10.2005
Blaine opened up the deep freezer. "Hey Artie, what's with all the turds?" "Don't eat them," said Artie "They're for my scatology class." "So you're keeping that class, I thought the teacher was a dick?" "He is, but I got...

07.18.2005
Packmaster, I really admire the way you can carve tang. But even though you were a player in college doesn't mean that you've won. Sure, fuk them across the room when you think I'm sleeping. But I have found something...

07.15.2005
I often wake up to cats fukin on the roof. We used to have a neighbor that was really loud having sex. Either that or the glass I held against the wall was tits. After I get home from the...

07.13.2005
I just picked a hard skinny bugur and scraped it under the table. The end had a sticky little drop that held it on. I've got pretty mean cotton mouth now. I'll probably destroy the refrigerator soon. All the convenience...

07.06.2005
"You do not let reject by butchery right in front of and take a room on the floor," yelled Aunt Purvis. Was it me or the cat tranquilizers? At times Aunt Purvis has been known to mix up her words...

06.30.2005
Sometimes it feels like there is a little hammer carving a mural of Hervé Villechaize on the inside of my skull. Sometimes I like to get stoned and do nothing. Just watch the same thing over and over. And then...

06.20.2005
A pig's dick is shaped like a corkscrew. When we would visit my cousins in the country, they had a bunch of randy pigs that they would let loose at the fair. The whole town would be filled with holes...

06.17.2005
You've got to be an idiot to think that there aren't any space creatures out there. Whether they are nice or not probably depends on how we end up on this planet. Those fukers are watching. Betting. Waiting. Waiting to...

06.14.2005
What's the sound of a thousand rabbits shitting in your ear? Purkin was a nature freak. He could track sparrows by the thickness of the shit on the branches. Everywhere he traveled he would collect turds. He had what was...

06.11.2005
I was just five years old when I got my first kiss by a hot chick. Her name was Leslie. She won best handwriting for the entire grade. My best friend back then was a wino named Jerry. He would...

06.07.2005
Continued from previous day INT. LIVING ROOM JEB (cont'd) (still reading letter) Now I find out I was just a front so that you could cornhole squirrels without being suspected. Well this isn't the life I dreamed of when I...

06.06.2005
INT. DARK STAGE Spotlight is on a dude. He walks to the center and gives monologue. JEB I cornholed four hundred and thirty two squirrels last year. Only half were strapped down. I did all this because the devil...

06.03.2005
Sometimes I just want to crawl over the phone line and reach down someones ear, pull their dick inverted back through their mouth and yank their balls through so they hang out their eye sockets. I just got off the...

06.02.2005
Barry woke up tied to the rafters of a giant igloo. A penguin with five dicks was getting a manicure in front of him. Another penguin walked in with a wingfull of bamboo spikes and a small cage. It set...

06.01.2005
Earnie's Strip Club Laundromat was Barry's favorite place to go after work. The women's field hockey team washed their clothes there. The first night Barry went there he caught the eye of a young philly performing on the pommel horse....